I am currently sitting here with various mounds of paperwork for jobs to do. A load of orders to email over for Karen to get excited about when she opens the boxes (!), VAT return to complete, an article for the Parish Council Newsletter, but this has to take preference, not just because it is the most important, but because John is nagging me endlessly to get on with it. So, here we are!

You may be getting bored with me saying this, but I still cannot understand where this year is going. It seems to be flying past faster and faster and now nearly into August, and dare I say it, Christmas. I remember in the ‘old days’ the months following Christmas used to drag so slowly. Some say it was because we were so much younger, others because the winters seemed to go on longer. Now with the milder winters, people are able to do more in the earlier months and so it seems to pass that much quicker, and therefore has nothing to do with getting older!

With Christmas looming, and people eager to start their Christmas projects, we are ordering our Christmas stocks fast and furious.

A large delivery of Christmas ribbon arrived last week and we have a very large delivery due in August. Most of these are non-repeatable but do have very favourable prices (not allowed to say cheap any more!), so don’t put off until the last minute as once it’s gone, its gone! Do not forget, as well, that a lot of this ribbon is wire edged, but if you do not want the wire, it literally just pulls out, so can be used either way.



The wire can be pretty good for making into needle-threaders, either hand or sewing machine, so it can be re-cycled.







Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really annoyed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway; brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday!



Probably the best selling Christmassy item at the moment is the Dufex decoupage sheets and sticker sheets. The range has increased on their die-cut sheets, which means you don’t have to use scissors, the pictures just pop out and also the pyramex sheets, where the picture is stacked a bit like a pyramid. With their lovely shiny, foiled finish, these have to be our best sellers at the moment.
Some more new designs have just come out and they will be arriving shortly.
Dufex also do a very nice range of stickers, both pictures and words. The pictures are particularly nice and very useful for a quick card. 
Our thanks to Yvette Sparks for making this card for us to show.

A delivery arrived today of boxes and boxes of polystyrene shapes. We now have back in stock all the balls from 10cm down to the tiny ones, 3 sizes of egg shapes, some hearts, and three sizes of cones. Loads of stock at the moment, but probably best not to leave this until the last minute as these can be quite difficult to get hold of the nearer it gets to Christmas.






Leather thronging is now cheaper than it has been with a range of very nice colours.

New to us and very interesting are decorative staples. There is what looks like a small stapler, but instead of it taking ordinary staples, it takes wider ‘blocks’ with messages on. Celebration words, Christmas words, baby words etc. Well worth checking out.








Also new, but something we have possibly been slow to get in are the dimensions stickers. Mainly butterflies and flowers, but only part of the sticker actually has a sticky bit on it, so in the case of the butterfly, for instance, the middle bit sticks down and then you can fold the wings up to make it look 3-d. Lovely colours and samples are made up for you to see. We have a large selection of acetate sheets 12” x 12” but of course they can be cut down for card making. There are some very nice designs: Christmas trees, blue gingham, pink swirls, cakes, etc, all at 80p per sheet.
Lots of new 12” x 12” patterned papers and plain pearl card, most of which can be used for card making.
Small pads of patterned papers 6”x 6” for only £1.98 for 50 sheets, while stocks last. An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.
The wife smiles. "Let the old devil dig. I had him buried upside down!"

New brads have been arriving and there are some really interesting and novel ones. Apart from the Christmas range of trees and snowflakes there are packets of mixed tools containing saws, spanners, scissors and also some packets of ‘pretend’ screws with screw heads . Ideal for the male cards that we are always struggling to find something suitable for. Most of the packs are only £1.99 each and have a lot of brads in them.









Other items that we now have back in stock plus some new items are - Fun flock in 7 colours, spray Varnish, spray adhesive, crackle glaze, masking tape, hot and cold glue guns and glue sticks, small range of scrapbooks, over 60 different types of card toppers, new jewellery findings, heat guns for embossing, brass stencils, corner punches, pom-poms larger sizes, pom-poms with holes through the middle of them.

Feathers - we have a lovely range of very fancy feathers that are suitable for making fascinators. Most come in 5 different colours and are really gorgeous with prices ranging from just under £2 each to £13. We are delighted to say that we are also offering a range of 4 ply wool to match our bargain 100gr balls of double knitting. It’s an acrylic but comes in 100gr balls at only £1.99 with some very nice colours.




There is a rather strange thing going on in the village at the moment. The local BMW garage - Chandlers, is receiving deliveries of parts at between 1am - 4am during the week. Now obviously this is becoming quite annoying to neighbours, and has been going on for several years. Initially it was a smallish truck doing the deliveries but for at least the past couple of years, the delivery truck is a massive big articulated truck. So imagine yourself fast asleep for the night and woken up either by the sound of the engine together with the air brakes constantly going off as the truck is manoeuvring into the garage, or headlights shining straight into your bedroom window, at say 3 o’clock on the morning. One morning, the truck actually left the engine running while the driver appeared to be eating some breakfast! Would you be very amused? I guess not. Well neither are a lot of the neighbours. Many have tried speaking to Chandlers, but have not got anywhere. Some have gone to West Sussex Council, but have been advised that they will have to monitor noise levels to see if any rules are being broken. What rubbish! Surely the whole thing about being woken several days a week, week in week out, should be sufficient.

Chandlers say they are not responsible, as these deliveries are not arranged by them. Of course, they do actually have another depot on a trading estate not so far away, which I am sure the deliveries could go to, but no one seems really interested in having a bit of thought for their neighbours. I bet the owners and the managers of Chandlers garage get a good nights sleep. I bet if their sleep were being disturbed such as this, they would do something about it.

I read somewhere I am sure, that all BMW franchises had to be on a main ‘A’ road, so that residents would not encounter such problems as this. Guess this does not apply if you are in Angmering. I also understood that BMW were very strict about their codes of supporting the local communities at their franchises and not doing anything that would affect the welfare of the residents. Can only presume Angmering does not come under this rule either.

I have seen emails that have been sent to Chandlers, asking to discuss; try to sort this problem out. They have been ignored or should I say, unanswered.

The amazing thing is, that no-one is denying this happens. No one is denying these trucks arrive at this ungodly hour several nights a week. So why are they allowed to continue this practise? Can nobody really understand that in those early hours of the morning a truck, generally around 40feet long, reversing into a fairly narrow access is going to make a considerable amount of noise - noise that will carry and be more apparent than if during the day? Can nobody really understand that as this truck is reversing up and then again when he pulls away, apart from the air being released, the headlights are shining straight into the windows of the houses opposite? Do they really, really think that no one is going to notice?

Do they really, really think that they should be allowed to continue this practice just because they are a large company and pay a lot of rates?

So I think Chandlers of Angmering, need to be named and shamed and also need to be awarded a big ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, for making sure local residents do not get their ZZZZZZZZZZZ’s!


An airline captain was assessing a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine and climbs down in search of it - Jim spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.
Jim calls out to Bob in an agitated voice, "Hey Bob, I got trouble down here."
Bob calls out, "What's the matter Jim?"
Jim shouts back, "Throw me my 7-iron. You can't get out of here with an 8-iron."

A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down; measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the damn ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man," says his partner. "You'll never hit her from here."

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

After such a gap between newsletters I wouldn’t be surprised if you thought we’d become victims of the recession – or swine flu! But here we still are, it’s not good to see 3 empty shops in the village though, hopefully they will soon be filled and attracting more people to all of us. ‘All of us’ – Hmmmmm! What does that mean? Well, it would be nice if we were a group of shops and businesses working together for each others’ benefit but unfortunately a few do not even have the business sense to make themselves as accessible as possible – they are in a minority. I’m going to bang on about parking again!

But it really is frustrating, with more than ample parking spaces, to see the restricted ones never enforced and the unrestricted ones filled with shop employees. I’ve been on to some and had success, but, well I’ll give an example of what I’m up against with some.

I was assured by one particular business when they opened, that their staff would not take customer parking, but they did, so I emailed the boss who said s/he would speak to them. Nothing happened so I emailed again, the boss replied that s/he had told them not to park in restricted bays but that it was OK to take unrestricted bays, if that was not OK, then “What does unrestricted mean”?  Oh Boy!

I replied saying that restricted or unrestricted, for every parking space taken by an employee, that’s one less customer/potential customer for all of us I received no reply to that, instead I had a visit by an irate member of staff from that business saying she was doing nothing illegal, as long as she had a tax disc etc etc and then went on to accuse me of harassment and threatened me with legal action! I’d never spoken to the woman before, nor had I had any form of communication with her.

Her boss had probably forwarded my emails to her or something. But that’s what some people are like these days – accuse them of doing something ‘wrong’ like being inconsiderate/selfish, especially with their precious cars, and they have to try and turn the tables somehow, to make you the bad person and their conscience clear.

So, I emailed the boss again (I’d invited the boss to drop in for a chat any time) to complain about this woman making serious threats and false accusations in front of my staff and customers. Received a reply saying s/he had ‘requested’ that the staff did not park in restricted or unrestricted bays but “However, I am unable to force them to follow my request. May I suggest that if this continues to be a problem for you, you take this matter up with the council to convert the unrestricted bays to restricted.”

Ye Gods! Firstly it’s a problem for me? No! It’s a problem for all of us – our customers can’t park for heavens sake. Secondly the staff obviously have little respect for their boss and s/he also lacks the strength to make it a condition of employment;; not a request, which is what we and a few others do. Thirdly – to request that the unrestricted bays are converted to restricted would be a bit selfish – many businesses need more than an hour (including us sometimes) and there are many reasons to park in the village centre besides patronising local shops and businesses.

So, I tried my best but I’ve given up with that particular business – I’d love to print who it is - all over my windows and here, hoping to do to them what they are doing to me – affecting my livelihood. But I actually don’t want to bad-mouth any business – I want them to attract lots and lots of customers and that’s how all shop/business owners should be thinking.


I wanted the email version of this newsletter to go out as a blog – something you can click on, with photos, but for various reasons and paltry excuses, it hasn’t happened. We are, once again looking at getting a website up and running – my turn. First attempt by me – the web designer did a runner on his business partner. Second attempt by Pat, ridiculously expensive! I suppose it’s nice that we’ve been too busy to ever get it right! But when we do there will be a newsletter section that we can add photos to so you can see what’s new as well as hear about it. We could of course stuff a load of photos in this email, but it’s much better just to have something within an email, be it a blog, a PDF file or a website page. One day! (EDIT -  The day has come!!!!)


I was taking my eight-year old granddaughter to school the other day and as I was turning in to the school drive, I accidentally pressed the horn. She looked at me quizzically, so I said. "I didn't mean to blow the horn." She replied. "I know that, Grandad" I said. "Really, how did you know it was accidental?" She said. "Because you didn't shout #***#### (expletive deleted)

Nothing much new on my side – I’m always trying new techniques/methods and gizmos, but that’s boring. Also always taking on the latest mouldings and mounting boards, but that’s boring too.

Well, maybe apart from some small new metal frames with a plaster coating to create an ornate finish that you only get on wood. Why? Well, metal is stronger than wood so you can have something ornate and slim on a large picture. You can also have something plain and slim, as long as it's metal if your picture is large.

 We have about 200 metal frame samples and around 1200 wooden ones – I don’t case local framers’ joints (any more) but I think that’s very high for these parts!

Also, on the boring techniques side, we have been getting very innovative with the framing of three-dimensional objects using stacked frames and ‘invisible’ glass to create some very nice results, we do have some examples on our walls. When framing these objects we mount them without doing anything to them at all, bar possibly the odd stitch, but no glue etc. We use things like archival polyester straps and formed rods to simply hold or ‘clamp’ things in place.
London bus in front of one of my photos

I also like a challenge, so bring in your golf balls, model tram collections, fancy plates, perfume bottles, Venetian masks, decorative powder horns; whatever.

A lady came up to the counter the other day, with a handful of embroidery threads, June said “Ooh – they’re nice colours” “Yes” said the lady “They’re for a Japanese lady” I’ve no idea why the Japanese lady could not come and get them herself, but there you go!

If you have a copy of this newsletter that was given to you in the shop, there will be a note attached (which of course I did not type) saying that if you want to receive the newsletter regularly, just return the note with your address or email address. There is of course no need to return the note if you want to receive the newsletter by email, just email us your address! If you have an email address but receive this by post, please email us so we can add you to the email list and save a stamp. Once we get a website non-email recipients will be missing out on photos, links, etc as the expense of a hard copy, full colour newsletter would be a bit prohibitive. That’s it from me – so ‘til next time – take care ……John


A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!" "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" "No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behaviour. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favour of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!" Confidently the lawyer responded, "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them." "But I did send them" replied the man. "What?" shouted the lawyer. "I sure did, that's how we won the case... good thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff's business card."

The offer on the peel-off’s is still running as it has been so popular. So, standard peel-offs are still 65p each or 10 for £5.

We are delighted to give the following offer for August/September, on rubber stamps. On all wooden backed rubber stamps, they are Buy one get one free (the cheaper one being free), only on current stocks. This will not apply to any special orders. There is a large range of Christmas stamps so now is the time to build up your collection.

I see John has not included his usual “Do you sell…………” bit, probably because people are being very wary of asking for things these days. Mind you we did have the gentleman back that told us off for not selling his shoes any longer, this time he told us off for not selling watchstraps!

A teacher writes on the blackboard: I ain't had no fun all summer and asks the class "Now how should I correct that?" (Little boy) “Get a hobby”!

A couple of technical problems -
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer:
Tech support: “Are you running it under Windows”?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

Tech support: "Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P " to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: “I don't have a P”
Tech support: “On your keyboard, Colin”
Customer: “What do you mean”?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Colin”
Customer: “I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT”!!

My ‘extra curricular’ activities seem to be getting more involved.  I was voted in as vice-chairman of the Parish Council a couple of months ago. It does not really involve that much more work thank goodness, but I will need to be able to stand in as Chairman, if the current chairman is off sick, or on holiday.

I am seriously hoping he does not go away during any full council meetings as the Chairman wears his chain of office for that and I really do not relish the thought of having to put that on. Apart from it being large, bulky and heavy, it has 2 large pins sticking out of it to pin on a jacket to hold it in place and our current chairman moans about it every time he wears it!

Other than that, we tick along, trying to get jobs done, things planned and trying to do what’s best all round, which can sometimes be almost impossible!

The Youth Forum bus group is still soldiering on raising funds and awareness and getting new volunteers to help man the bus when it is finally put on the road. Currently out of funds to do the last 2 bits, which is the wheelchair ramps and the generator but we are applying for more grants and hopefully will get there soon. If anyone knows of a 5kw diesel generator going cheap, please let us know. Thank you.

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
'May I see the new baby?' I asked.
'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!! ‘

Our thanks to all of you who have been donating your hand made cards for us to sell on behalf of the Chestnut Tree and the Youth Forum, your generosity is amazing. People love the cards and return time and time again to purchase more. So thank you again. We will shortly be emptying out the jars as they are getting a bit full and will let you know how much has been raised.

Our local PCSO (Police Community Support Officer) Andrea Oakley is shortly to leave us for another job and we will be getting a replacement. Andrea has been amazing. She is a PCSO who has really proven the system works. Her dedication to the job has been second to none and she really has got to grips with all that was expected of her. She knows all the youths, and where they come from. She has the ability to talk to them all and they actually respond to her very well. She works in all areas, well beyond the call of duty at times and has been really first class. Those who know me, also know that in the past I have not had a lot of good experiences with the police, but with Andrea, she has my total respect and admiration. She is going on to work in the local schools, which I know she will be excellent at and I wish her every success for the future. She will be a hard act to follow.  I must try not to expect too much of her replacement before s/he has had a chance to settle in!!

There are more than 600 million telephone lines, yet almost half the world's population has never made a phone call on a land line. However, more than half the world's population has made a cell phone call. There are more than 2 billion cell phones in use.  More personal telephone calls are made on Mother's Day in the USA than on any other day in any other country.  Most reverse charge calls takes place on Father's Day.

Two morons rent a rowboat, row out a way, throw their lines in and try fishing. Nothing happens. One fellow says to the other, ”We have to row out away from shore into deep water”. They row and row offshore about one mile out, try fishing again. The same thing – nothing, the same fellow says “We have to go really far out, that's where the fish are”. They row for an hour. They are so far out they cannot see land. They try again. Low and behold they hit a bonanza. There is no rest. Fish after fish is caught. One fellow says to the other, “You know we can come back tomorrow, catch another load of fish and make some money selling them“. His friend says, “ That's a great idea, but how are we going to find this same spot?” His friend thinks about it a moment then says they could mark an X on the side of the boat. His friend looks at him a moment and agrees. As they are rowing back toward shore his friend gives him a dirty look and says, “ That wasn't such a good idea marking an X on the side of the boat. How do you know if we'll get the same boat tomorrow?”

A Really Bad Day – There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking - here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me.  When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away." "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison." Hope your day is much, much better!

Thanks again for all your support,  Pat & John